i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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