I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
