I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
