i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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