he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
