Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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