I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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