Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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