remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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