Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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