Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
