you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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