did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
