I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
