Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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