Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
