I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
