I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
