dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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