Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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