OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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