My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
