Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
