she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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