The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
