Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
