im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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