Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
