big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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