The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Success! We fucked roommates!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
