his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
