i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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