It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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