he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
