made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
