Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
