just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
