Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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