remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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