Can i not drive my cunt home
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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