I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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