her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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