How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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