DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
