i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
