First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
