so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
