i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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