He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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