lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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