So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
