Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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