I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
