Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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