What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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