On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
