Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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