Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
