he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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