I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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