apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
