Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
